Is Gambling Ruining Your Life?
You love to gamble. It’s in your blood. Just the thought of the gaming tables, the sound of the card shuffle, the melodic chimes of the slots when you hit… In fact, you can’t remember when you didn’t love gambling. Whenever it was, it was so long ago that it probably doesn’t matter. Besides, you tell yourself, you don’t really have a problem, despite the fact that your losing streak has gone on for years, punctuated by fewer and fewer wins.
There’s also the fact that things aren’t going so well on the home front. Best not to think about that. If you hurry, you can make it to the casino/sports book/track/poker game, or whatever venue floats your boat today before the rush-hour traffic.
Hold on a minute. Who are you kidding? Don’t check out just yet. Maybe it’s time to ask yourself some serious questions to see what gambling has done to your life. Come on, what can it hurt? It’ll take less time to read through the entire article than to smoke a cigarette (you probably do that, too). Who knows? You might be surprised at the results.
Gamblers Anonymous Self-Survey
• Do you ever lose time from work (or school) due to gambling?
• Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?
• Has gambling affected your reputation?
• After gambling, have you ever felt remorse?
• Have you ever gambled in order to get money to pay debts or other financial obligations?
• Does gambling cause a decrease in your effectiveness or ambition?
• When you lose, do you feel you have to get back to gambling as soon as possible so you can recoup your losses?
• When you win, do you feel the strong urge to keep on gambling so you can win even more?
• Have you often gambled until you’ve lost your last dollar?
• Do you ever borrow money in order to gamble?
• Have you ever sold your possessions in order to finance your gambling?
• Do you ever feel reluctant to use your gambling money to pay for normal expenditures?
• Has gambling caused you to be reckless with the welfare of yourself and your family members?
• Do you ever keep on gambling longer than you planned?
• Have you ever gambled in order to escape worry or troubles?
• Have you ever committed, or thought about committing, an illegal act in order to finance gambling?
• Does gambling ever cause you difficulty sleeping?
• Do you feel an urge to gamble after arguments, frustrations or disappointments?
• Do you ever feel the urge to celebrate any good fortune by a few hours of gambling?
• Have you ever considered or acted upon suicidal thoughts as a result of your gambling?
The 20 questions you just answered are adapted from a Gamblers Anonymous (GA) self-survey. According to GA, most compulsive gamblers answer yes to 7 or more of the total. The survey serves as a helpful tool in identifying behaviors and consequences as a result of too much gambling. Did you see yourself and your actions in some of them? Even if you answered in the affirmative to 4 or 5, you may have a problem.
Other Signs Gambling May Be Taking Over Your Life
Let’s delve a little deeper into what happens when gambling becomes more than a social pastime. Think about what you’ve done when you’ve gambled away all your money. What did you do to get more money to gamble? Since you feel compelled to gamble, and you can’t gamble without money, it has to come from somewhere. Where have you found the cash to continue gambling?
• Have you drained the cash value of your life insurance and that of your children?
• Have you used up your children’s college tuition money?
• Have you sold off all your mutual funds?
• Have you raided your business accounts?
• Have you written bad checks?
• Have you stolen money?
• Have you taken out personal loans?
• Have you run up massive cash advances on your credit cards and maxed them out?
• Have you borrowed money from friends, family and co-workers?
• Have you gone to a loan shark?
According to the National Council on Problem Gambling, problem gambling is any behavior that causes disruptions in major life areas such as physical, psychological, social, or vocational. The term problem gambling also includes pathological or compulsive gambling, an addiction characterized by a need for more frequent gambling, irritability and restlessness when not gambling or when trying to stop, chasing losses by betting more, and loss of control over gambling behavior despite continuing serious and negative consequences.
Family relationships often suffer a breakdown as a result of excessive gambling. When you gamble for many years, let’s face it. You’re not there emotionally – or even physically – for the family most of the time. When you are home, you’re only thinking about the next bet, getting enough money to gamble, how to hide your losses from your spouse, how to stay on top of the lies you have to tell to keep your gambling affairs a secret or any one of many different deceptions and untruths or half-truths you utter.
Guess what? They’re not secret. Your spouse knows or suspects what’s going on. He or she gets the dunning notices from creditors, has to answer the phone calls from collection agencies. He or she has been covering up for your absences, the change in your appearance and/or work ethic.
Problem gamblers and those with a gambling addiction often lose their jobs, or get demoted, or fail to win a promotion. They also fall so deeply into debt that bankruptcy is often the only way out. They even may lose their home and all their personal property. They may lose their businesses or have to depend on welfare. Legal fees accumulate as a result of divorce or criminal activity. Bills pile up for medical and/or mental health care.
Is it any wonder then that problem gambling frequently leads to divorce, domestic and child abuse? Sexual dysfunction, loss of trust, lack of honesty, feelings of betrayal, depression and hopelessness compound the family dynamic between the non-gambling spouse and the gambler. Children in the family may do poorly in school, be over- or underachievers, become depressed, get in trouble with drugs and/or alcohol, or become gamblers themselves.
As for the problem or progressive gambler – you – statistics aren’t favorable when it comes to long-term mental health. Such individuals are prone to depression, personal health problems and suicide. The rate of attempted suicide among gamblers is the highest of all the psychological disorders. Some gamblers, unable to see past the complete ruin they’ve made of their lives, have committed suicide just so their family could collect their life insurance. That is, if they still had life insurance. Many cashed that in long ago.
What Stage Are You In?
Experts on treating gambling disorders identify three stages of problem gambling which occur before the obsession becomes pathological or compulsive gambling – and addiction. These are the winning, losing and desperation stages. There is also a fourth stage of problem gambling: the hopelessness stage.
The winning stage is one of heady excitement – everything you do seems to rack up wins, some of them big ones. You’re on a roll, literally. You can’t do anything wrong. This stage lasts between 2 and 5 years.
The losing stage is self-explanatory, but bears repeating. The more you lose, the more preoccupied you become with gambling. The stakes – financial and emotional – get higher as you feel the need to bet more and more often. After the sickening losses, you feel guilt and remorse – and chase after the losses with more bets, hoping to recover. But, of course, that rarely, if ever, happens. At this point, the heavy borrowing, maxing out credit cards, and selling off personal possessions, becomes commonplace. So, too, is the lying to family and friends, missing work, being late to work, and shirking work responsibilities. Others begin to notice the severe changes in your behavior and confront you about your gambling. This stage of the gambling addiction cycle is when some gamblers call a hotline to inquire about help to end their addiction.
Sadly, many do not. Instead, they progress to the desperation stage. Do you find yourself in these behaviors? You can’t sleep, for worry over gambling losses, financial ruin, losing your job, your spouse threatening divorce and other troubles related to your gambling. Your family may be evicted or you lose your home. You may start to write bad checks, embezzle from your company, and steal from friends, family or even strangers. As for your emotions, they’re like a roller-coaster ride of depression, fleeting hope that you can win it all back, powerlessness, hopelessness and inevitability. You may decide at this stage to run away from your family and all your debts. You may immerse yourself into a trance-like video poker or slots gambling just to keep your thoughts distracted. You may start entertaining thoughts of suicide. Or, you may decide to get professional help. You’d think that with things as bad as they are, this would certainly be the time to seek help. Again, sadly, many do not.
The fourth and final stage is one of complete hopelessness. The compulsive gambler, now firmly in the grip of addiction, is like the alcoholic or drug addict that has nearly irreversibly destroyed his or her mental and physical health. Yes, it is just like that. The gambling addict no longer has any shred of belief that there is any hope or help that can occur. These individuals are seriously depressed and suicide is a very real risk.
Help Is Available
Don’t let gambling destroy your life and the lives of your family. Problem gambling and gambling addiction are treatable – at every stage. Sure, it will be easier to overcome a gambling problem if you’re in the early part of the losing stage, before you’ve lost everything, including your family. But even in the hopelessness stage, if you truly want to make a change in your life, you can overcome your gambling habit.
How?
There’s only one proven method to overcome your gambling habit. You have to stop gambling, period. You can’t just say to yourself, “That’s it. I’m done with gambling.” That’s a fool’s statement. You need professional assistance, a therapeutic program specifically designed to treat gambling addiction. This may be in a residential program or on an outpatient basis. To find treatment facilities in your area, check out the state referral list at the National Council on Problem Gambling or call their 24-hour confidential helpline at 1-800-522-4700.
Professional counseling and cognitive behavior therapy (CBT) can also be of enormous benefit to help you quit gambling.
If you are suicidal or are even entertaining thoughts, however fleeting, of suicide, call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 1-800-273-TALK (1-800-273-8255).
You will need to attend 12-step support group meetings at an organization such as Gamblers Anonymous. Your spouse and family can receive help concurrent with your own by attending Gam-Anon meetings.
Remember that it took time for your gambling habit to become so problematic. It will take time to learn new behavior and coping skills to overcome it. If you genuinely value the relationships with your family, and are willing to commit to getting help, you can change. Gambling doesn’t have to ruin your life forever. Make a decision to get help today.
